Patience, wisdom and optimism: key to recovery from infidelity

Three ingredients that are key to recovery from infidelity, according to my mother's psychiatrist when she was going through it, are patience, wisdom and optimism. A dose of each will help you sail through the thoughts, the disappointment and the broken heart that pop up after you discover that your spouse lied to you and risked what you both built together over time.

Patience

Be patient towards yourself. Regardless of how much time has passed, you are entitled to feel frustrated about your spouse's choices that hurt you so much. If you are a betrayed spouse, you will have flashbacks that will reopen your wounds. Once you allow yourself to dwell in the painful past for a while, become aware and don't let it take over. Find a way to cheer up: watch your favourite comedy or listen to music that will take you back in time to before you met your spouse. 

Wisdom

Be proud of yourself when you act rationally in the face of triggers. It is not easy to stay focused and be objective when a wound is reopened. Celebrating these moments of clarity is important for self-love and will increase the chances of them happening again.

Optimism

Every now and then, at least, believe in the signals your unfaithful spouse sends to you that he or she is working towards gaining your trust and respect after calling off the affair. It is a great way for you to lower the anxiety caused by uncertainty and it gives you a chance to recover emotionally. 

Your turn

Which one of the three attitudes above do you find easier to control? I think they can take turns and when you cannot feel cheerful, just be patient and show compassion to yourself. Let me know your experience in the comments.