A little torture on Valentine's is in order
I am not a fan of celebrating love or mothers when others impose it on me. Dates to celebrate in my calendar are anniversaries and birthdays. The rest I find purely commercial so I normally boycott them by not planning that overpriced dinner just because it's "Valentine's Day".
After 22 years of marriage and an affair I truncated almost seven months ago, I decided to have a little fun this year. I broke it casually to him at the beginning of February: "You MUST surprise me this Valentine's Day". He gave me a look of panic and said, "No, please, you know I'm not good at these things". True statement. The one time he decided to buy me a surprise present, some twenty years back, it was so useless and so not me, that I forbade him to improvise ever again.
This will be my first V-day after D-day, so I decided not to risk leaving it to chance to encounter triggers. I don't foresee any since I have never been a fan of this celebration. The nature of my husband's affair was not a romantic one in the sense of what is imposed by consumerism as "romantic."
I know for some of my Tweeps this V-day is full of eggshells, even in anticipation. I hope we all survive. I'm sure we will. I just booked myself a solo trip to a stand-up comedy show I like, so I see that as my Valentine's gift from me to me. I haven't decided whether I will use this opportunity to remind my husband how much I love him in a card or buy him a present. I did remind him yesterday about me expecting a surprise. He said dining out was the only thing he could organise. I suggested we stay in. I am planning a romantic evening because we deserve to be happy.
I hope you decide to give yourself the chance to enjoy the evening with your remorseful spouse who is working on recovery and helping you trust again. If this is not your case, celebrate YOU. Make V-day a special one for self-care. You owe it to yourself.
To love, cheers!
H.
After 22 years of marriage and an affair I truncated almost seven months ago, I decided to have a little fun this year. I broke it casually to him at the beginning of February: "You MUST surprise me this Valentine's Day". He gave me a look of panic and said, "No, please, you know I'm not good at these things". True statement. The one time he decided to buy me a surprise present, some twenty years back, it was so useless and so not me, that I forbade him to improvise ever again.
This will be my first V-day after D-day, so I decided not to risk leaving it to chance to encounter triggers. I don't foresee any since I have never been a fan of this celebration. The nature of my husband's affair was not a romantic one in the sense of what is imposed by consumerism as "romantic."
I know for some of my Tweeps this V-day is full of eggshells, even in anticipation. I hope we all survive. I'm sure we will. I just booked myself a solo trip to a stand-up comedy show I like, so I see that as my Valentine's gift from me to me. I haven't decided whether I will use this opportunity to remind my husband how much I love him in a card or buy him a present. I did remind him yesterday about me expecting a surprise. He said dining out was the only thing he could organise. I suggested we stay in. I am planning a romantic evening because we deserve to be happy.
I hope you decide to give yourself the chance to enjoy the evening with your remorseful spouse who is working on recovery and helping you trust again. If this is not your case, celebrate YOU. Make V-day a special one for self-care. You owe it to yourself.
To love, cheers!
H.
I like your blog. You are still only 7 months out. The pain is still going to be deep. My first V-day after D-day my husband had to take care of me because we all had the stomach bug. He did it with grace and dignity. We are 3 years out and I still suffer from the pain. But I think it is more when I read Elle''s blog that triggers me the most. My husband had a manic episode from mixing antidepressants that his Dr prescribed. Also knowing that the OW had planned the whole thing and knew my husband was sick to begin with. I still haven't come to terms with some of the anger that I felt that day I found out. I deal with that as it comes up. My issue is still focused on the OW, her so plan and her lies not only about me but regarding my husband too. But this too is starting to go away slowly.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cathy. It is great to connect here. Let's make a toast to healing. Cheers.
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