Where to look for inspiration. And... Should we?
When recovering from infidelity there are stormy periods followed by calm. These periods of calm allow us to reflect on our progress. There is always progress, yes. Even if you feel that you are repeating patterns over and over. If it happened it means that you needed to go through that process for healing. This is one way of coping with the fact that we cannot change what was.
So here you are today, a brand new page, as they say. How to make the most out of a day that promises sunshine? Here are some tools that help me focus on the full half of the glass:
So here you are today, a brand new page, as they say. How to make the most out of a day that promises sunshine? Here are some tools that help me focus on the full half of the glass:
- gratitude
- couples who have recovered from infidelity
- lessons learned
- healing my own childhood traumas
- a marriage is a living entity that needs care
- moments I can fully be present in the here and now
- the excitement when planning fun activities ahead
- acknowledging our progress since DDay
- a list of things I admire about my husband
- remembering that we are not going to live forever
- seeing my nine-year-old daughter happy and my 17-y-o son relaxed
- blame fairy tales for fucking me up
- humility to accept that shit happens to everyone and others have it worse
- remembering that my husband also carries wounds and wants to heal
- he chose me
- he is putting effort
- he is improving in his communication
- I am healing
- I am free to create since he is not too nosy about my every single move
Gratitude
Acknowledging what is good in our life is the best mindfulness technique. We are alive, our country is safe, we have a place to live, some of us even luxury. We can see, smell, move, hear, touch. Our heart beats and our blood flows. We just have to stop to admire the wonders that make us have that mind with visions that we forget we can control. Let's fill it with beautiful images, sounds, smells and memories.
Inspiring couples
I so much appreciate the ladies in my tribe who sailed through infidelity years ago, some 15 years ago, some less, and actively remind us that they are happily married to the husband who betrayed them in the past. You know who you are, some are therapists and some are authors and bloggers. Thank you! I also have my mother to point out that I will be able to admire my husband again one day and that we can only trust ourselves at the end of the day.
Big hug to those who separated and have found happiness with a new partner. They help us understand that there is an alternative path in case we cannot recover with our current husband. Lisa Arends and Nancy Nap are at the top of my list.
Lessons learned
I have read books, watched vlogs, subscribed to newsletters in my own quest to make sense of what happened to my marriage and to move forward. I have learned so much, many of the lessons are on that list up there.
Moving forward
I hope this reflection resonates with you and helps you see the silver lining. No one deserves to suffer the pain caused by infidelity but, since it hit us, let us make the best out of it. I am grateful for having connected with you on the blogosphere.
Lots of love,
Helen
My whole story, from suspecting to discovering up to month eight from DDay, are organised in a book. Available for Kindle, including KU and on paperback.
You have a wonderful blog. I wish I had found this 3 years ago. I read Elle's blog all the time but sometimes it was a major trigger just getting on and reading the pain that everyone was going through. I found my own ways of healing and part of it was contact with the OW. The more contact I had with her the more I found out how mentally ill she was and still is. I was so grateful that we moved out of the state. In our new home, I spent a lot time hiking with my husband and walking the dog. It was something that helped both of us heal. Even though his affair lasted 10 days at the most it still was so devastating. I lost a big part of me when this happened. I was baking at the restaurant and it happened right in front of me. I lost all passion for baking. I tried doing it professionally again when we moved but, I couldn't do it anymore so, I found another way to heal that part of me and started to write a cookbook for my kids and who ever else may want to check it out. With a full time job I have to take my time doing it but I find it so much more rewarding. It took me about 4 attempts to actually get it started but I am so grateful I did. I found that through this whole mess I am actually a pretty good photographer.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for stopping by and for your encouraging feedback. I hope your healing is going well. We are definitely reborn after infidelity and it is great to see other fellow betrayed spouses coming out of the devastating experience as a stronger human being. Hope to stay in touch on the blogosphere.
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