What you cannot foresee before separation

Separating from my straying spouse was a personal decision and one I had taken before Dday. It had to do with how I individually developed into a woman considering the possibility that one day I could face infidelity as a wife. I thought I had it all worked out but it turned out I was faced with challenges I hadn't foreseen. I hope this will give you some insight if you are considering leaving an unfaithful spouse.

Your home

The place where you have lived most of your married life becomes your home whether you like it or not. Even if you didn't agree with the neighbourhood or the particular property you ended up buying or building, if you have lived in it, you have probably adjusted it to your very particular needs. That shelf in the perfect spot, the combination of side tables and the distribution of the furniture. With time, you develop connectedness with all the objects in your home. 

In my case, after twenty-two years of marriage, I wanted to make a statement by leaving the area where we were living because it was my husband's choice. It was still painful to vacate the place I had made my home even if it was not in the neighbourhood of my preference. It was very aggravating that I was moving myself out in response to a choice I didn't make. 

Parenting alone 

I didn't realise I was going to have to take MORE care of the children after the separation. It was not just me separating from my unfaithful husband, I took my children away from their home, their routine and their familiar environment. All they knew was life under mum and dad together. Now they had to share their time, their clothes and carry their essentials, aka PS and other electronics from mum's place to dad's place.

As a parent, it is heartbreaking to see your children suffer in silence. Mine were 16 and 9 at the time and they did not complain about the logistics of the move. They were aware of the infidelity and did not want to add to the burden. I found myself putting extra energy to make sure I compensated for the trouble I felt I was putting them through. It was my decision to get a place away from what they had known as their home since the day they were born.

Other unforeseen consequences

Has any of this resonated with you? Are you considering separation or experienced other unforeseen consequences? Would you give your marriage a chance if your spouse is willing to work on recovery? Let me know in the comments.