If I could do it all again, would I give him a second chance?

At almost twenty-two months past Dday, I still ponder what I would do if my husband strays again. It is not a founded doubt. He is more present and loving than ever before. Doubting is the voice of the knowledge I have acquired as a betrayed spouse.

The myth of living happily ever after after marrying “the one” has been debunked and a daily lease is all  I’ve been left with after the painful growth I experienced through infidelity.

If all I’ve gained is a daily lease, I must visualize how I would do it all again if I faced betrayal by my spouse. 

First and foremost, I know it will not kill me. Even if my wounded heart is broken again, I will know that the pain will pass and that there is no need to rush into changes that will affect our children who still live at home.

One of the most important lessons learned from my husband’s infidelity is that the decision to stray is 100% his. There are clear consequences if he does it again. My children and I would be saddened to see him go but I will know that I did my part for us to be happy together. This is a very powerful feeling. 

I have been thinking how we should change the tale to empower our children. They must learn how to get in touch with and express their feelings. The story should make it clear that, once they grow older, they can give their inner child everything s/he ever wanted. This will hopefully lead them to someone who will be able to communicate properly. All they need to be in a happy relationship is to be able to set the rules clearly and to check in daily. 

Infidelity showed me the weapons I can use in order to defend my family. Confronting the woman who threatened the stability of my children’s home was something unthinkable to me before I actually witnessed the affair’s unfolding. I hope my children have learned that this is an honorable possibility.

Every period in human history has its challenges and ours was to learn that we are not our jobs but rather our personal values. In a time of abundance compared to previous eras, we had forgotten to be while we kept busy doing. Hopefully our children are learning the former through the painful Covid19 pandemic we’re experiencing. 

It might feel a bit sad to experience some level of detachment from a spouse we once trusted fully, but it is a more real and wise marriage. The previous one, that enabled the infidelity, was naive. I can only hope my children will take committing long-term and parenthood as seriously as they deserve to be considered. They can experience innocent love before they’re old enough to commit. 

And if my husband strays again, then it’s not worth maintaining the family structure.  I will take my time organizing the best possible life I can have to offer my children the best version of me under the circumstances. I will do so with no regrets. Today I feel that giving my husband a second chance was the best decision I could have taken. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t change a thing.