People who love you can judge you and it hurts
After I discovered my husband's affair, I contacted four good friends who had gone through separation and divorce. They didn't disappoint as the firm support I needed to organise myself during those difficult days.
I also contacted my brothers and parents to let them know what was happening, for practical reasons. As the daughter of an unfaithful husband, I was living what I had dreaded since I got married. I had even warned my husband that I didn't think I could bear the burden of his betrayal. But it didn't prevent it. It might have even attracted it since I feared so much it could happen.
Having my father in front of me was too much to bear. In the absence of my cheating husband who was at work, I would take out my rage on him. I offended men in general, called them all dickheads, cursed them and wished they all died so they wouldn't cause so much pain to their wives.
I was in so much pain that the worst in me came out. I am normally a people pleaser and I avoid confrontations unless strictly necessary.
I had to move out of the house single-handedly since my 16-year-old son wouldn't approve of being uprooted just like that. My 9-year-old daughter decided to move into the master bedroom from which I had moved out since Dday to "keep company to daddy until we move out". And on top of all this, I wrote about my father's and my husband's infidelities in the blog I had before Dday.
So I received an email from one of my brothers giving his own interpretation of infidelity. He stated that we all roam and justified the infidelity as a consequence of having problems at home. Thank you very much. The last thing you need from those you love is for them to put the blame of your husband's affair on you!
I was so hurt. My parents were neutral about it. They didn't comment or support me. I was so disappointed that I didn't want to talk to them or see them near me. They have since moved away from me.
The only person I found during that weekend who said the words of wisdom I needed to hear was my eldest son. He is nineteen and stated that those who haven't experienced infidelity shouldn't say anything to those who are going through it. I love my son!
I replied to my brother in spite of my pain, with remarkable objective facts. I stated that infidelity is a choice and that we were both in a troubled marriage but only my husband strayed. I compared infidelity with catching a cold:
I also contacted my brothers and parents to let them know what was happening, for practical reasons. As the daughter of an unfaithful husband, I was living what I had dreaded since I got married. I had even warned my husband that I didn't think I could bear the burden of his betrayal. But it didn't prevent it. It might have even attracted it since I feared so much it could happen.
Having my father in front of me was too much to bear. In the absence of my cheating husband who was at work, I would take out my rage on him. I offended men in general, called them all dickheads, cursed them and wished they all died so they wouldn't cause so much pain to their wives.
I was in so much pain that the worst in me came out. I am normally a people pleaser and I avoid confrontations unless strictly necessary.
I had to move out of the house single-handedly since my 16-year-old son wouldn't approve of being uprooted just like that. My 9-year-old daughter decided to move into the master bedroom from which I had moved out since Dday to "keep company to daddy until we move out". And on top of all this, I wrote about my father's and my husband's infidelities in the blog I had before Dday.
So I received an email from one of my brothers giving his own interpretation of infidelity. He stated that we all roam and justified the infidelity as a consequence of having problems at home. Thank you very much. The last thing you need from those you love is for them to put the blame of your husband's affair on you!
I was so hurt. My parents were neutral about it. They didn't comment or support me. I was so disappointed that I didn't want to talk to them or see them near me. They have since moved away from me.
The only person I found during that weekend who said the words of wisdom I needed to hear was my eldest son. He is nineteen and stated that those who haven't experienced infidelity shouldn't say anything to those who are going through it. I love my son!
If you've never experienced infidelity, don't say anything. Maybe your intentions are good but the betrayed spouse is hurting so much that they can only tolerate unconditional support.
I replied to my brother in spite of my pain, with remarkable objective facts. I stated that infidelity is a choice and that we were both in a troubled marriage but only my husband strayed. I compared infidelity with catching a cold:
- It can happen to anyone
- At any time
- Arrives uninvited
- Requires a bug (AP/OW) and a host (unfaithful) with a weakened immune system (troubled marriage)
- You can get over it, the stronger you are, the quicker
I told him how much I loved him and how much I appreciated his support and concern. And then went on and fumed while I leaked my wounds.
Infidelity sucks
I feel your pain. Don't listen to those who judge you. Not even if they are the ones you love the most.
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