Visiting the lawyer and support network
During the 24 hours after discovering my husband was having an affair, I visited a lawyer and contacted my network of supporting friends.
I was not disappointed by my choice. My three divorced girlfriends became the net I could lean on while I recovered from the shock of the discovery and organised my actions. From day 1 I was open to the possibility of getting over the infidelity and rebuilding a life with my husband. All of my girlfriends were also open to the possibility of me remaining in my marriage of over twenty years.
The first day after DDay I hadn’t slept at all and everything felt unreal. Being able to meet up with my friends, away from the place where the grenade of the truth had exploded, gave me the strength to go back to the house and face my husband.
I found my unfaithful spouse holding the mop and cleaning the floors since we had builders in the house. I arrived with my elegant outfit and high heels and he saw the gorgeous me. He had been blinded by the fog of his double life until the night before. Suddenly he was back, present and reconnecting with his home and with me.
The lawyer
I wouldn’t recommend visiting a lawyer who is unknown to you the day after you discover your spouse has been having an affair. Unfortunately, the lawyer took advantage of my fragility and caused more anxiety than relief with their pro-divorce attitude and fees. I needed to be informed about the law regarding separations so I could proceed with my plan, so it was my first move to see a lawyer.
This visit was an excellent opportunity to dress up, “show up” and get out of the house so that when my cheating husband got back from work that afternoon I wasn’t in the house. My plan was to leave his neighbourhood as soon as I found a place to live and take my children with me. The lawyer stated that “I could include whatever I wanted” in a written agreement that he would sign to ensure I would be compensated for twenty years of dedication to him and our family.
Once I clarified that my original plan of separating and choosing my own area to live was not against the law, I got to work and started searching for an apartment in a location near my son’s school. I knew that I couldn’t impose too many changes on the children, so I decided not to change my daughter from the primary school she had attended since first grade. I could drive her back and forth every day until I defined what I was going to do with my life.
This visit was an excellent opportunity to dress up, “show up” and get out of the house so that when my cheating husband got back from work that afternoon I wasn’t in the house. My plan was to leave his neighbourhood as soon as I found a place to live and take my children with me. The lawyer stated that “I could include whatever I wanted” in a written agreement that he would sign to ensure I would be compensated for twenty years of dedication to him and our family.
Once I clarified that my original plan of separating and choosing my own area to live was not against the law, I got to work and started searching for an apartment in a location near my son’s school. I knew that I couldn’t impose too many changes on the children, so I decided not to change my daughter from the primary school she had attended since first grade. I could drive her back and forth every day until I defined what I was going to do with my life.
The right support network
The afternoon I saw the lawyer for the first time, I also met with a friend I had contacted on the night of the discovery. The following days I contacted another two good friends. I needed to share my news with people who had been through the same pain and could offer the support I needed.I was not disappointed by my choice. My three divorced girlfriends became the net I could lean on while I recovered from the shock of the discovery and organised my actions. From day 1 I was open to the possibility of getting over the infidelity and rebuilding a life with my husband. All of my girlfriends were also open to the possibility of me remaining in my marriage of over twenty years.
The first day after DDay I hadn’t slept at all and everything felt unreal. Being able to meet up with my friends, away from the place where the grenade of the truth had exploded, gave me the strength to go back to the house and face my husband.
I found my unfaithful spouse holding the mop and cleaning the floors since we had builders in the house. I arrived with my elegant outfit and high heels and he saw the gorgeous me. He had been blinded by the fog of his double life until the night before. Suddenly he was back, present and reconnecting with his home and with me.
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