You play different roles at the same time after Dday

One thing I had learned from my mother’s experience while facing my father’s mid-life crisis was that the roles of affair partner and spouse are exchangeable. The night I moved out of our bedroom, I opened the door to the possibility of becoming my husband’s lover.

Once I had received enough information about the affair, I could replicate it. Like having sex on the back seat of his car. How many times during our first marriage I suggested we did that, especially when we were younger, still newlyweds? His answer was always no. He would say: "We have the comfort of a bed and our own private place. Why risk it?".

Twenty years later, he was able to have sex under the stars - and not precisely in a room with a skylight. Eventually, I tested how far he had gone with his Affair Partner by seducing him to have sex in the middle of a deserted plot, on a sarong that I carried especially for the occasion in my bag, at the back seat of his car.

That was all the proof I needed to know that he went all the way with his affair partner. It was not sexting not blow jobs or masturbating only. They had done the full monty. They had gone all the way.

It was devastating to realise the extent of the affair. My husband’s penis had penetrated another woman’s vagina. This was the raw truth about their sexual intercourse. At the same time, I felt in control. My husband had returned home after Dday, like the prodigal son. He hadn't been more present in years. I felt good about being able to seduce him. I was fulfilling his need to be with the Bitch. It made it easier for me to believe him when he ensured me that he didn't miss being with her at all.

It didn’t matter how many times they "did it". According to the Cheater, in July 2018, they “had only done it six times in 2018”. That was an average of once a month which, for two actively married cheaters working long hours, looks pretty intense. You could just hear the denial in every phrase following any objective description of the affair.

After a couple of conversations with the Other Woman, I realised she was in as much denial as him. They had obviously used a lot of energy into keeping the affair a secret. But I was not supposed to call it an affair because "they were never in bed together", "They never intended to jeopardise their families" and they agreed to break it the moment it came out, "no questions asked". She even texted me the following: "We were not having sex". 

If that is not denial, I don't know what is. 

Comments appreciated,

H.