A poem about doubting my exunfaithful husband

 Doubt

When you look at their behavior, 

Can you tell

What’s real or not? 

You can see the moving mouth

articulating the words. 

But are they saying what they must

Or are they talking from the heart?

Sometimes children learn from small

To lie and lie and then once more. 

Their lives depend on it for real 

Or to protect their sense of self.

They think their carers won’t take care

Of them shall they honestly speak. 

So they twist, praise, lie

About what their elders want to hear. 

Machiavellians in the making, 

Triggered by fear

Sometimes real, sometimes not,

That in their hearts and souls

Protects them from bad memories

Or real danger. 

So they grow being polite,

Lying, thanking just for that.

Not because they mean a word. 

So how can someone who believed,

Who says thank you, please and so

‘Cause they mean it really well, 

Know when a person who’s now bare

Showing lies that caused despair, 

Tell the truth or just peruse 

Some old trick they learned as children

To get away, get by or win?

There’s no way 

For now we know

After betrayal of any sort

That the only one we trust 

Is our lonely standing self. 

Even that we must protect

For if we lie about our doubt 

To protect, care or whatever, 

We will cross the line of fear

That will blur what’s real and clear. 

Let the doubt out, I say,

Let the betrayer know about it

Even if pain it causes. 

It is good for your sanity 

And a warning to the other party.

If he’s using his technique 

He’s reminded of the dangers

Of a second lie unfolding. 

And to you, my wounded soul,

I say go, tune and grow.

This new pattern you’re aware of

Shall protect you from life’s evil.

For beside pure souls 

There are frightened liars

Who sought deceit over surrender

And can’t help but repeat 

Once they’re not so tender. 

Let us hope the transformation occurs

And with dr Madden I concur, 

A spouse caught cheating and not ousted

Can now be more pure and truthful

Even if this damaged the innocence

Of the other half of the marriage. 

Helen Tower