Post Covid-19 insights

I am just coming out of Covid-19 fog. It was a blurry period with great tiredness and hours in bed as my physical body fought the retrovirus that made me feel my human limitations. Pretty much like my infidelity experience, I have survived its arrival and have learned how resilient this body is. Surviving is a big reason to celebrate life. And it has helped me gain further clarity over my husband’s betrayal.

Why do I keep writing about it? Doesn’t it come a day when I won’t think about this one incident in my past? Well, it seems that in my case, the trauma has been carried for many generations, without social or  gender distinctions.  So, the truth is that I do think about it everyday, reminded by the digital presence of the company where my husband works, where the exAP still works and knowing that she exists within a family that remained unaware of her willingness to entertain and flirt with my, non-excused, also willing husband. 

As time has passed by, it will be three years from discovery at the end of July 2021,  I have rationalized the way I have felt, my inherited fears, my own limitations, my husband’s limitations and the reality that in life “shit happens”.

I have passed my experience with flying colours, wrote two books about my experience, I have connected with wonderful therapists and fellow betrayed and betrayers who have shared their experience with me, appreciated what I’ve shared and cheered me up along the way as I much needed encouragement to carry on.

My family has remained intact, with children who are experiencing their parents giving their marriage a second chance and allowing themselves to be the great team they can be together. I am quite content with where we are as a family. I have learned that I cannot separate myself from my family anymore. I tried moving out and taking my children with me, and they showed me where home was. I have gone back to the workplace and my husband has been the most enthusiast cheerleader.  I have no complaints, I feel free and I have learned to appreciate the small things that make me feel whole. 

I have thought a lot about my husband getting away with his affair, with enjoying his family as if nothing happened. And I see my divorced friends, whose husbands chose the other woman, or where not willing to fight. Most have found a new love, or lover, and I’m happy for them. Their children have successfully adopted their new family structures. 

Sometimes I think of the advantages and disadvantages of all these different scenarios. There’s no perfect family structure, I’m not most fortunate because my husband fought and fights for us every day. It is one of the many possibilities and I am a wiser woman now. 

If he had chosen to leave, I would have adjusted accordingly. For now, I accept my reality and feel it wholeheartedly. I do not have any desire for revenge. I do not live waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am happy knowing that I am loving the way my heart is capable of, that is, fully committed and as honestly as possible. 

My husband is one team member in our family structure. Our three children and the extended family have accompanied us in our journey. It is a beautiful sight and a fulfilling life we get to experience every single day.

Cheers to love, to health and to growth.

I send my love your way. Stay strong and love yourself.

Take care,

Helen