The only reason that matters for your choices after #infidelity

After spending a few weeks on "feeling" mode, I have had a few important realisations. The latest one has to do with not having to justify why I am giving my ex-unfaithful husband this one chance to stay in the marriage. This is more of a note to myself but I think you might find it useful.

Here are a few key points on which I have based the opportunity I'm giving these two new people (us) to continue walking side by side in life, sharing a home and a family.  

• We are together because we are happy together, we are a great team and we love each other
• We are not perfect
• We have different stories in our subconscious minds that we are not aware of
• We will still have a strong bond even if we separate
• We are not going to live forever
• We have influenced each other's path in life
• I have become a stronger person who is starting to articulate her needs
• He is listening
• I am understanding how his love language is so different from mine
• He is articulated in a way I am not and he responds positively when I ask for what I want

Once you've been through the pain of betrayal from a spouse of over twenty years and you've survived, you know that you can carry on alone. 

I have been putting a plan B in place for a life on my own as I move into my older years. We must always plan twenty years in advance until we are eighty, this is what the experts recommend. 

This plan gives me security. As a people pleaser, I need to feel that I am willing to lose it all to be able to express my wants, needs and wishes. It has been difficult and it has been rewarding. 

Today I am in a place where I feel like I don't need to justify myself for staying with an ex-cheater. I am with him because I am happier with him than without him. He is not perfect and he listens to my requests. It is just a matter of letting him know. 

I am talking more and he is listening better. We are moving forward. I'm with him because I want to. There's no other reason needed to stay. 

I hope that if you're with your spouse or alone, you're doing so because it's what you want to do. It takes time and self-love to get in touch with our true feelings. There's so much noise from prejudices to ancestral traumas. 

Share if you wish in the comments. Take care. 

Keep walking. 

Lots of love,

Helen