Thank you for your company

Dear sibling in pain and recovery,

Thank you for every second of your time you have shared with anything I’ve written on this blog or as short tweets. It has meant a lot to me. 

Being part of a tribe is one of the ways Laurie Nadel proposes as a “gift” to recover from disasters. And how can infidelity not be described or classified as a “disaster”? 

Today is a day (February 14th) when romantic love hijacks the attention of everyone who dares to make eye contact with any form of streaming or the unavoidable billboard as we move about our day. 

Bitterness is unavoidable when you have learned the hard way that this type of love is not for you. Maybe it is for others but, us? We were deceived by the person we loved and trusted so much we decided to build a life with them. 

In looking at the glass half-full, we can say that at least we were loved for some time, until Dday or even before, until we started suspecting our beloved was no more. Yet, we were hoping it would last a lifetime. Otherwise we wouldn’t have entangled out life in such a way, that even after recovery, we wonder if we would be better alone or if we are so used to living with this person that we are just settling for what has become familiar. 

I cannot say I have settled, for I have been honest about my needs and my requirements to feel I have secured some sort of future without my ex-unfaithful husband. My “plan b” is almost in place now. 

What I don’t do anymore is have a vision about “us”. The only sure thing is that we have children in common and we share a home, friends, we are still good friends and lovers. 

Do I love him? I ask myself almost everyday this question. The answer is always yes, even though (but, yet… unavoidable connecting words post infidelity) I know it can end any day, which I only thought possible through death before.

I grief my losses: the hope for romantic love, the happily ever after with the person I married.

Do I want to find it elsewhere? No, I now know I won’t. 

It’s just sad and real and it can be good at times. So I choose to enjoy those moments and I keep walking. I appreciate your company, your support, your empathy during the hard moments.

Lots of love,

Helen