Four resources to help you navigate through infidelity

There are many resources on the internet that can help you cope with the challenges faced once you discover your spouse or partner having an affair. Depending on the type of affair, your own life experience and the response of your spouse, you will find a unique route to your peace. In my case, I was hoping I could work with my partner on giving our marriage of more than twenty years a chance. I was open to the possibility of reconciliation since the beginning. I didn't have a clear picture of how we could achieve that because another preconceived idea I had was to move out of our family home.

Here are four resources that resonated with me and that are recommended by those who want to work on their marriage after infidelity.

Esther Perel

Esther Perel is a relationship expert who has coined a very hopeful sentence that helped me very much: 

Your first marriage is over [after infidelity]. Would you like to create a second one together?

This is the closing sentence in her TEDTalk about infidelity that has over 7M views. If you haven't heard it, please do so now.

Tony Robbins

Tony Robbins is an author and a motivational speaker who works with the method of the Six Human Needs and how they affect our relationships. It is important to identify your top two needs and how you feel they are fulfilled by your partner and how much you contribute to fulfilling theirs. There are several couple therapies on YouTube where you can appreciate how this works. 

He also uses the technique of "breathing into your heart". You place your hand on your heart, close your eyes and visualise the air you breathe in going to your heart. You do that for a few minutes until the fog from your negative thoughts disappears and you can align with what you REALLY want, with your intuition. 

This technique of synchronising my feelings with my brain helped me decide to go back to our family home once I reached the crossroads of deciding between divorce or a second marriage with my husband. 

Affair Recovery

There is a website, AffairRecovery.com, with many resources to guide you step by step in recovering from the heartbreak caused by infidelity. I watched many of their videos, subscribed to their newsletter and did the First Steps Bootcamp for Surviving Infidelity. It is FREE and you can do it at your own pace, solo or with your spouse. 

I recommend subscribing to their YouTube channel where you will find numerous vlogs by Samuel and Rick Reynolds with relevant information, case studies, interviews to experts and survivors of infidelity. 

Real and Virtual friends

Infidelity hurts so much that you need as much help as you can get to sail through it. As soon as I discovered my husband's infidelity, I confided on three friends who were divorced and pro-us. They had been through separation and knew us very well. Their support has been key to my recovery. They were empaths and kept me company when I most needed it. 

After a while, my obsession with the affair and with the steps that were following a few months into my recovery was too much of a burden for my friends to bear. So I created a fake Twitter account exclusively to treat this topic of infidelity. It has been the PERFECT place to find solace when I have no one else to turn to.