Role of #empathy in recovering from #infidelity

Dear reader of this blog and/or listener of its podcast Sail Through and Beyond Infidelity by Helen Tower,

I want to start by thanking YOU from the bottom of my heart for your company here. I know about you because some of you have contacted me on Twitter or Instagram. I appreciate every heart, thumbs up, story you've shared with me and, especially, your words of support when I've sent out posts in despair. 

According to Laurie Nadel, one of the Five Gifts to recover from disastrous events is long-term empathy. This is what you have offered by reading my blog posts and/or listening to my podcast episodes. In episode 4, I share other resources that helped me start recovering from my husband's infidelity:

I have shared many resources that helped me process betrayal and recover from the trauma caused by it. Lately, I have published another three podcast episodes with aha moments I've had almost three years past DDay. 

This is my latest podcast about how flipping the narrative post-betrayal has helped me find peace.

One of the latest resources I have shared with my "siblings in pain" is the book The body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk. This scientist explains how the neural connections in the brain are disrupted by trauma and why we keep thinking the worst possible scenario is about to happen. 

It is so important to become aware of our thoughts. In the above episode, I share two of the four questions Byron Katie includes in THEWORK.com about the reality of the story we tell ourselves that causes suffering: Is it TRUE? - This is such a key way to check-in about how our uncontrolled thoughts can cause anxiety based on events from the past.

I cannot highlight enough the importance of breathing. It is such a basic and thoughtless act we repeat thousands of times per day. Yet many of us breathe in a shallow and unhealthy way. Please, please, breathe in deeply as you read this sentence and feel your belly expanding, your chest lifting and moving outwards and breathe out all tension as you relax your shoulders and move your head from side to side. 

Breath is the path to become aware of our thoughts. Are they TRUE? Are we absolutely SURE that they are TRUE? How do we feel when we believe the story we're telling ourselves is actually happening? How would we feel if we didn't believe that story? 

I have adapted Byron's "Work" into a simple flip of the thought about my husband cheating again. The possibility of it happening is real but, IS IT TRUE? --> What if he will NOT cheat again? Why don't we ask ourselves the optimistic outcome post affair recovery? 

If your ex-unfaithful spouse is remorseful and has supported you throughout recovery from the trauma of betrayal, why don't you help your brain rewire for HOPE? After all, you have endured so much and you have grown, you have learned to love yourself and, most importantly, you have lived alone with yourself and hopefully you like being with yourself by now. 

Once you have spent enough time in the pessimistic mode, isn't it time to balance things out in your unconscious mind? What if your spouse loves you? Or your new partner? What if there is true love, mature love, communicative love waiting for you as you continue walking your path in life after infidelity? 

Thank you again for reading, listening and/or touching base. 

I love you,

Helen