Happily EVEN after infidelity

I hope you are doing well at the beginning of 2022. I was looking at some "What if.." sentences online and I remembered that at some point I shifted the post-betrayal "What if he cheats again?" to "What if he DOESN'T cheat again?"

In searching for that post, I came across the sentence of the heading for this post: being happy EVEN after infidelity. 

There are still days when I feel upset about the past, the lies, the gaslighting and my husband's affair. I have learned in my healing process that, regardless of staying in the marriage or separating, the wound will still be there. It is up to me to know by now that the most efficient way to ground myself is to accept how I'm feeling, to sit with the sadness or the anger about what is no more. 

Self-love includes self-compassion. Infidelity sucks and it is okay to dwell on what WAS every now and then, if and when it uninvitedly hijacks our thoughts. Nothing can change the past. Time and work on our trauma(s), rewire the brain and teach us tools we can use to be present (in the here and now). 

Being aware that we are letting the possibility of being deceived by someone we have trusted and loved hijack our thoughts as if it were happening for real, is the first step towards stopping the thought. We are really just able to let it go. If we don't fight it, because we have learned to trust and to be compassionate and loving towards our frightened inner child, then we know that the fear/sadness/anger will not stay with us for ever. And that helps us relax, breathe and use our energy in a productive way. 

Remember you need to do more of what makes you happy. Make sure that you know what gives you pleasure or joy, besides sex and love. I am suggesting comedy, painting, writing, walking in nature, theatre, cinema, reading a great story or studying about something unrelated to what you do everyday. 

I have recently published a new book, Messages for the Wounded by Betrayal. It is a collection of quotes that have resonated with the tribe of betrayed on Twitter and @NobleLola suggested I printed them as cards. I have managed to make them the pages of a colourful hardback covered book. There are also the paperback and digital options on Amazon. 

I wish you will be happier as time passes by and you do the work for recovering after infidelity. 

Cheers to a better year this 2022.

Thank you for reading. 

Lots of love,

Helen.