Be thankful for your own improvements
In the spirit of giving thanks this end of year, I want to highlight some of the ways, many times overlooked, that should make any betrayed or betrayer spouse feel comfort in the hostile environment of affair recovery.
You have decided to get out of the rut? Congratulate yourself for your decision of wanting to move on for your own sake or for the sake of your loved ones: children, pets, parents, students, your garden. Well done in identifying what is worth living a happy and peaceful life for, besides this partner of yours who has betrayed you or whom you have betrayed.
Are you reading this blog? It means you are open to the stories of other people touched by infidelity. You care about them and you acknowledge that you can learn from their experience. You have shown humility and empathy, which are two of the five gifts to healing from disasters, by Dr Laurie Nadel.
Have you reunited with parts of yourself that you had put aside for a long time? A shocking experience like infidelity shakes you to the core. It is up to you to decide how to react. If you started looking inwards, give yourself credit for making an excellent choice. You are using the pain to heal old wounds or habits. You chose well.
Be compassionate towards yourself. Focus on what you have forgiven rather than on what you haven't forgiven yet. If you consider this, even for a moment, you should feel proud of how far you have come. If you didn't walk away from your marriage, it means you want to forgive and this is very valuable. Give yourself the credit you deserve for staying and working on the possibility of rebuilding a happy marriage.
Punishment is not for you to decide. You are not a judge and, even if revenge feels natural in the face of being stabbed in the back by the person you trusted the most, it depletes you from valuable energy you could be investing in healing yourself. Honestly, every time I have felt stuck in a rut, I only come out of it when I come face to face with my fears and my pain. Wishing others bad things only lowers your own vibration.
If you can't stop negative feelings and thoughts towards your spouse or the affair partner, let your imagination flow for a while. Be compassionate towards yourself and accept that you are only human. Remember, you are already on a quest to improving your emotional and physical state. The emotional dip will eventually pass.
Feel grateful for yourself, for the flawed person you are, who is working on improving and healing.
Happy Thanksgiving 2019,
Helen
Read my story in chronological order in paperback Sailing through Infidelity and Sailing beyond Infidelity until I complete Mooring the boat past Infidelity. Visit my Author page with all formats and books.
You have decided to get out of the rut? Congratulate yourself for your decision of wanting to move on for your own sake or for the sake of your loved ones: children, pets, parents, students, your garden. Well done in identifying what is worth living a happy and peaceful life for, besides this partner of yours who has betrayed you or whom you have betrayed.
Are you reading this blog? It means you are open to the stories of other people touched by infidelity. You care about them and you acknowledge that you can learn from their experience. You have shown humility and empathy, which are two of the five gifts to healing from disasters, by Dr Laurie Nadel.
Have you reunited with parts of yourself that you had put aside for a long time? A shocking experience like infidelity shakes you to the core. It is up to you to decide how to react. If you started looking inwards, give yourself credit for making an excellent choice. You are using the pain to heal old wounds or habits. You chose well.
Be compassionate towards yourself. Focus on what you have forgiven rather than on what you haven't forgiven yet. If you consider this, even for a moment, you should feel proud of how far you have come. If you didn't walk away from your marriage, it means you want to forgive and this is very valuable. Give yourself the credit you deserve for staying and working on the possibility of rebuilding a happy marriage.
Punishment is not for you to decide. You are not a judge and, even if revenge feels natural in the face of being stabbed in the back by the person you trusted the most, it depletes you from valuable energy you could be investing in healing yourself. Honestly, every time I have felt stuck in a rut, I only come out of it when I come face to face with my fears and my pain. Wishing others bad things only lowers your own vibration.
If you can't stop negative feelings and thoughts towards your spouse or the affair partner, let your imagination flow for a while. Be compassionate towards yourself and accept that you are only human. Remember, you are already on a quest to improving your emotional and physical state. The emotional dip will eventually pass.
Feel grateful for yourself, for the flawed person you are, who is working on improving and healing.
Happy Thanksgiving 2019,
Helen
Read my story in chronological order in paperback Sailing through Infidelity and Sailing beyond Infidelity until I complete Mooring the boat past Infidelity. Visit my Author page with all formats and books.
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